Gender Roles from the Male Perspective!

There are unwritten rules and roles in society. Ideas and customs people are expected to accept and embrace without question. But it is 2017. A time where everything is questioned and analyzed. For example, what separates men and  women? What should be expected of your partner, whether they are the same sex or different? More importantly, why do we take these expectations without asking what their true purpose is?

Prince: Men dominate. Men conquer. Men don’t quit.The ultimate goal for men is to reach alpha male status. As a young adult approaching the responsibilities of a man, it comes with conventional rules and expectations that are counter-intuitive in providing oneself with happiness and security. The stereotypical man is someone who plays sports, works with their hands, and puts all melodramatic feelings out of sight. These traits raise the question: what gives the man the right to abide by these rules? And more importantly, who put them into action? Maybe it's in our DNA.

Ahmed: “Who says?” Is a question I always find myself asking. Who made these requirements and guidelines that we abide by? Who told us that we have to live and conform ourselves to a certain manner? Questions such as this, still remain a mystery today. Unfortunately, we live in a world where implicit rules and regulations tell us how to live. These regulations tell us how to act and how to conduct ourselves, and we just allow it. We accept it because society instructs us to. We accept it because we’ve been shown no other way. We say “ well, that’s just the way things work.” But why? Why aren’t we searching for the hidden meanings? Why don’t we want to know who’s controlling our lives? Why don’t we live the way we want to live? Society tells us that men aren’t allowed to shed tears. Men aren’t allowed to show emotion and feelings. Men aren’t allowed to show empathy. We’ve been taught that when a man wears or says something that doesn't appear ‘manly’ to society; to automatically question and belittle his manhood. Why? Who made the injunction that delegates this action. Who made the decree that men aren’t allowed to wear pink? Who made the decree that men aren’t allowed to pour their heart out or ‘vent’ to another. Real men wear pink, and real men definitely express their feelings.

Nissim: Society taught me that a real man is someone who doesn’t complain. Someone who works without question. A real man takes care of his wife and kids. A real man accepts whatever is going on in life and deals with it accordingly. Some of these ideals can be helpful but others are not. A real man is not supposed to cry. A real man does not talk about his emotions. Who gets to define what makes an individual a man? Your father because he is one? Your mother because she has a certain expectation on how a male is to treat her?

Lindsay: Speaking from a child whose mother potty-trained him and accompanied him in every recreational soccer game, etc. As a child, I didn’t have a father figure to look up so, my mom assumed the roles of both mom and dad. But, what are those roles? Men have been painted in society to fit a specific canvas, but not a mural. By that, I signify that men cannot be categorized by certain roles, where you can have the capacity to encompass all of them. In times, men are the ones that carry the heavy bags, drive the car, do maintenance jobs. Where is the official rulebook? Now, what really makes a man, a man? As men, we feel like we have to fulfill those ridiculous standards in order to be considered a man by others. We allow ourselves to be entrapped in this mental prism, where society demands us to be strong, tough, unemotional, athletic, etc. The term “real man” should not even exist, in my opinion. I see it as just being a human who contributes to a relationship, partnership, or family and does the right thing. If we perpetuate those terms, can gender equality be reached? Ask yourself that. You decide who you want to be, which does not have to fall under any gender, because it is up to your interpretation to be YOU.

 We Want to Find Out What You Think!

Feel Free to Comment Below to Voice Your Opinion!

Struck by Love?...

Love, The Best Feeling of All Time

Nick: When you're in love, you get this feeling that you have with a person that you've never experienced before… and sometimes you don't even realize it. It's like every time you think of this person, talk to this person, look at this person, you get this same feeling over and over that you can't explain. This feeling is repeated every time you're with this person. Every day, you experience this feeling continuously, and they're the only person you have this feeling for. Every time you see this person, all you think about is wanting to conquer the world with him/her… desiring to explore the universe and love them till the end of time. Eventually, there comes a point where if there's a fight or an argument or something, you may lose sight of this feeling, but you hold onto this same feeling you had with them because you've never felt it for someone before, and you know you still feel it for them. No matter how heated things get you still hold onto this feeling and want to continue to experience it because it's the only feeling that truly makes you feel happy. This feeling is love.

No matter how much people talk bad about you or say shit to you or ask dumb questions about your relationship or whatever it is, you do what you can to ignore them. Because you know that you have this feeling for someone that you haven't had before, and they wouldn't understand the amount of power this feeling has.

This feeling is insanely confusing. Sometimes you don't want to feel it, you don't want to admit it, and you don't want to see you feel this way for someone because you feel like it's such a big step, such a commitment. But in reality the love was there the WHOLE time, it just grew gradually and inevitably. Soon enough, it’ll get to the point (if it hasn't already) where you have so much love for this person that you have to admit it because no matter how you look at it... you have this same feeling that gets more and more intense for this person. And that's the thing, maybe we don't know what love is… not exactly. But this feeling for a person is a damn good guess as to what love is. Because this same feeling is so confusing and overwhelming and takes up our whole mind and heart to the point where we are like, “This has to be love, because I'm truly obsessed with this person. I can't get this feeling out of me no matter how hard I try.”

When you're in love you do not see the flaws in the person you are in love with, and you may not realize how they change over time because you constantly hold onto the feeling and happiness they gave you from square one. So when they do change... and they do reveal their flaws more and more... you don't want to listen to anyone else if they point it out because all you see in your eyes is the person you fell in love with who gives you happiness. Love truly is blind. You love blindly and you hold onto this feeling of happiness constantly. But when they turn around and hurt you and screw you over... then you realize how blind you were… how willing you were to give them all your love when they had other intentions. You were too in love and "blind" to realize what was happening, and once you did it was too late because there was no turning back... they were set on hurting you and leaving you. It can be taken so many ways but those ways are exactly what it means. Love is blind.

Lindsay: Sometimes, I ask how the world continues to revolve, despite the conflicts that keep destroying the world by storm. All these floods that tried to drown me, were suppressed by the right support system that kept me in balance. Throughout my life, I was accustomed to not share my thoughts with others, as I believed it would make me superior. It was a false sign of happiness for the depression that consumed me. But one day, I got this midnight epiphany to meet people who appreciate, interpret the ideas that bubbled in my mind, and bounce back ideas organically. Fast forward 2017! The person you are reading through this blog, is NOT me, but the billion of ideas that have diffused into my mind from those that have inspired me. They reminded me of the mission that remained unactivated during my darkest times, but now it is the only perceivable destination through my vision.

The closing lines of one of my first poems, was “Used to let the teardrop go silent / Now, I make the pen cry on paper.” The passion behind those  teardrops now resonate through the interpretations of others through my poems. That motivates me to continue writing and remember what I’m doing it for: to change the world. The point I’m trying to make here is that love and relationships can take you on a train to undiscovered scenes that you never expected you’ll reach during your hardships. Having someone to spill your emotions, ask for suggestions on your career path, art, decisions, etc, and also improve because they’re going to be honest with you. Why? Because if they really love you, they want to see you GROW. They also recognize your unlocked potential and criticize what you put out. since we all have something to offer to the world. Eventually, you can find yourself, reinforce what is your purpose in life, and express who you truly are to the real world. Most importantly, love is a MUTUAL investment of support. Don’t be in a relationship just for the simple matter of being in a relationship, or like someone because they’re attractive. Measure one’s attractiveness through the visions transparent in their eyes. You have to set the purpose of having a relationship or friendship with somebody, because you are on the rise to construct the best version of yourself. You both should have a common purpose and a strong, spiritual connection, despite the lack of acceptance from your parents, others’ hate on you, setbacks you went through together.

If your homies aren’t listening to your music, if they’re not reading your blog posts (cough cough), if they get bored when you’re talking to them about something you’re passionate about, then you have to go DAT WAY →. They have to be there in every step in your journey.  Therefore, if your partner pushes you to make wrong decisions or distracts you from your aspirations, then you should move on. As Kenneth G. Ortiz said, “Be wary of the company you keep for they are the reflection of who you are, or who you want to be.”

Just remember, there are 7.4 billion people in this world. The close-knitted relationships we build are needed so we can learn from each other. Explore the world, meet new people, and build on the connection of your loved ones. We need each other. It’s a basic necessity that keeps you alive, other than the food, water, and shelter. We in a new age where we should value mental engagement over sexual penetration. Now, it’s time for me to make love and hopefully it’ll penetrate to H.E.R. I Love H.E.R. Highest Energy Receptors.

Hope you guys enjoyed your Valentine's Day!

Sex...Is It Worth the Wait?

Sex?

“ How do you feel about waiting for sex in a relationship? “

    Sex. The concept that brings life into the world. The action that is the ultimate form of intimacy for some and a simple form of pleasure for others. Sex is a widely discussed topic whether it be from how sex is portrayed in the media, to how sex affects personal relationships. We posed the question “is sex worth the wait?” to some of our members, and here are our thoughts. Don’t hesitate to chime in with your own:

Ahmed: Is sex worth waiting for? The billion dollar question that remains a mystery amongst society today. Sex is everywhere and is spreading faster than a catholic rabbit. Sex has become a competition, a race even. Especially speaking from a guy’s point of view.  Sex is obviously a basic human need. After all, our true purpose of being on this earth results from sex. However, when it comes down to the question, my answer depends on the mindset and the intentions of the individual’s in the relationship. Curious to know what I meant by that? I mean that most people engage in making their significant other participate in a time restriction for sex. They do this to ensure that their partner isn’t just using them for their own endeavors. They do this to make sure their heart isn't being broken. To make sure their time isn’t being wasted. For example, I believe waiting.. Let’s say five months.. Is no different from sleeping together on the first date. It may sound extremely foolish and absurd, but just hear me out, give me a chance to explain myself. I believe you can have sex with someone on the very first night of ever hanging out, and end up being together forever. The connection, the feelings and the vibes could automatically be there. It could feel like you’ve known each other you’re entire lives. That’s usually where you're struck with the “ Where have you been all my life?” On the other hand, you made your partner wait all this time, thinking they were different and would never do you wrong. To your surprise, after those long & hard five months of abstinence, you finally give in and they leave you immediately after anyway. All that time for what? The point I’m trying to make is, making someone wait for sex doesn't solidify their true intentions with you. If it happens, it happens; but you shouldn’t enter a relationship with the end goal being ‘sex’. For me, it’s worth the wait, depending on what you truly want.

Nissim: Sex is lit. Having sex with someone you actually have feelings for is even more lit. But sex should never be the cornerstone of a relationship. You should never stay in an unhealthy relationship because the sex game too fire. You should never pressure your partner into anything they don’t want to do. If you are mature enough to decide to have sex, you’re mature enough to realize your actions have consequences and you need to handle those consequences responsibly. Wait for sex if you want too. You know yourself better than anyone else could but understand how your decision affects your partner. Communicate about it. Please, if you decide to comment on someone else’s sex life, remember nobody asked for your opinion. Mind your business. If someone’s sex life has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with you. Nobody should be attacked for how they view sex or how free they are with their OWN sexuality. Just don’t be out here giving STI’s/STD’s to people like lollipops because that’s just rude. & Ya nasty.

Lindsay: From the lens of a virgin, sex is not really what it is all glossed it up for. I don't want to see myself as innocent neither was I ever pressured to do it. The reason why I’ve never threw myself in the field, is because of the constant questioning I have for its purpose. Some may see it as an escape from what we go through daily, a way to seek pleasure, or just a way to express love. But at this age, what are you really searching for? But also is it worth the wait? We're teenagers. We’re confused about concepts and it takes experience to fully teach us. We have to maximize our productivity now to develop us to our potential. But, we have to do it with a purpose. If you don't, what are you really getting from it? So let's fast forward. You've had sex and you transition into a relationship. Now, sex should be the last destination in your mind because you know the in’s and out’s of it. You should try to profoundly engage in your partner’s mind before you dive into the bed. Get in a spiritual connection and I'll assure you it'll be more enjoyable. It'll probably keep the relationship on full throttle, without taking any speed bumps. There's so much to live in life, so do it right while you're at it. If you just do it without establishing no connection, then the sex would be boring because there's no underlying purpose. As you move on to partner to partner, it'll be boring as well because it is the first step you see. In all actuality, sex cannot validate a relationship. It's an intimate event that complements the connection you've established with that person already. This goes to males and females: Don't try to lower your self-esteem to satisfy “Oh, let's have sex so I know it's real” or any irrelevant statement they throw at you. Value yourself and remember, don't think love is *“undressing and caressing" ("World in your Pocket, Joey Badass).  Just know, you can interpret any purpose out of sex.

Prince: Who doesn’t love sex? It’s the uncontrollable desire that every person in this world eventually feels, no matter sexual preference. With the emergence of the 20th century, the world has seen a largely promoted sexualized society. From tight dresses(for the guys) to grey sweatpants(for the girls), we all can’t resist the urge of “looking down there.” The best part about sex is the pleasure. The transfer of vibrations from one another makes you feel like you want to be stuck in the moment forever. From that point on, you guys belong to each other. You no longer have the obligation to engage in sexual activities with anyone else but the person that now possesses your energy particles. It’s an emotional bonding between you two; a memory was created. What a wonderful fantasy isn’t it? Do memories even matter anymore? Consider the way sex is propagated through social media. Would you agree that memories are now undervalued? Sex has become a “I’m-in-it-for-myself” scheme for many. In other words, and I’m speaking from a guy’s point-of-view, we see sex as just another opportunity to satisfy our egocentric desires. We could CARELESS about the emotions of our partner, but rather focus on how they compare to the rest of the females we’ve been with. Since when did sex become a competition? In my eyes, I’ve always seen sexual intercourse as an emotional engagement between two individuals who genuinely share a mutual bond with each other. I guess times have changed. I guess men and women alike have no regard to create vivid, long-lasting memories that they can actually be proud of and embrace rather than try to overshadow it by looking for better opportunities through other people. But that’s my two cents. To answer the question, yes I WOULD wait for sex, given that I was waiting on the right person.

What's your take on waiting for sex or the concept of sex in general? We're interested in getting your input! 

Comment below!

What's Next?

Nissim & Ahmed: One thing across all ages of life, that cannot be debated, is how uncertain and unpredictable things are. Whether a senior in high school or a middle aged balding male, life will throw whatever it wants too in your path. There’s absolutely no way around that. The unpredictability may not bother some, but may be a source of intense stress for others. Not having things mapped out while your peers or people around expect you to, may be something you dread. Just because you don’t see the yellow brick road others might see, does not mean you’re never going to find the road to take you where you want to be in life.

Don’t fall for the BS they feed you. Never compare your own life goals and successes to another person. No matter how much some may glamourize their lifestyle and future plans; it's impossible for anybody to have every step of their life figured out. It’s false, it's a charade. Don’t let that discourage you from forming your own plan and gnaw at your intent to stick to it. Just keep in mind, life throws breaks for nobody. Anybody and everybody can get it.

Nissim: As a seniors in high school, we are often asked what school we intend to go to and what major we would like to pursue. In my sophomore year, my answer was “I don’t know yet but maybe something having to do with English.” Unsurprisingly, I was filled with uncertainty but I felt like I had all the time in the world to figure out what I wanted to do. In the end, all I wanted was to be living lavish with someone cutting the little green things off strawberries and feeding them to me. Now in my senior year, I’ve been fortunate enough to go through many opportunities to finally see what I want to make of my future. I want to be a doctor. English and the medical field are leagues apart but that goes to show that nothing is written in stone. Months away from my high school graduation, I finally know what I want to do with my life and I know it will not be easy, but if it was easy, everyone would do it.

Ahmed: As for me, I thought I had life all figured out. I always told myself that I’d play basketball and live the easy life. No ordinary jobs. No ordinary responsibilities. No ordinary work. I wanted to take the easy road to fame and a lavish lifestyle. Reality smacked the shit out of me. Part of me really wanted that because everyone else I knew wanted it, and the other part of me was running away from the challenges and responsibilities, I would inevitably face. I realized I had a ton of potential and desires that I was throwing away for a lifestyle that would've ended up crippling me in the end. A lifestyle I THOUGHT I wanted to live. I had a knack for dumbing myself down and underachieving my first three years of high school. Settling for subpar grades because my response was always “ I’m going to school for basketball, it doesn't matter anyway.” Uncertainty sprung at a time when I truly needed it most. I sat in basketball practice one day completely zoned out, just thinking to myself, “ I don't even want to be here”; “ Why am I doing this right now.” People always referred to me as “ the kid who plays ball”, and that isn’t who I truly am. I look back on that stage of my life as finding out who I really was deep down and what I ultimately want to do. Similar to what Nissim said, I’ve been through so much and experienced life in a variety of different ways in my short 17 years, to finally realize my goal. I want to be GREAT! I want everything! The lifestyle i'm striving for will come from nothing but HARD WORK. As many of you may know by now, that isn’t a problem for me at all. Have to grind now to shine later. #StrivingForGreatness!

It may feel incredibly disheartening to see your friends attack the uncertainty that life presents us, with a clear cut plan. It may hurt to realize you don’t truly know what you want to do in life. It may depress or fill you with anxiety to think about the future. We’ve both been there.  We can promise you that when things finally fall into place with a little effort of your own, the weight on your shoulders will lift and you can take the most relieving breath you have taken in ages. If you need to alter your plan to reach your goals, don’t hesitate and never be afraid of change. Keep one thing in my mind always; If it were easy, everybody would do it. Success is 90% Preparation, and that last 10% is Persistence. The ability to keep going even when you don’t want to should never be underrated. Be ready for the opportunities and chances life gives you and take it head on. You do not need to live to match another’s success, just fulfill yourself, nothing more simpler then that.

Slut-Shaming

Let's talk about sex.

Specifically, slut shaming -- and how we all inadvertently contribute to it.

The Oxford Dictionary of English describes slut-shaming as "the action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative". If that term doesn't sound familiar to you, perhaps you've come across it on social media where celebrities such as Kim Kardashian and Taylor Swift are targets of relentless online harassment for "posting slutty pictures", and "having too many boyfriend's".

Society does not bash an eyelash at derogatory words such as "slut", "whore" and everyone's new favorite term -- wait for it! -- "thot". We have all become immune to words implemented to shame women for embracing their sexuality and femininity.

Slut-shaming is a sexist action because only women are criticized for their sexuality, whereas men are congratulated for engaging in the same kind of behavior. It is the embodiment of a sexual double standard: boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts.

A false sense of feminine idealism is manifested at a young age for both sexes by the media and other sources they are exposed to -- women are expected to be sophisticated and sexually knowing, otherwise they run the risk of being deemed unfeminine and irrelevant.

Celebrities are not the only people who have faced the wrath of hell's fury at the hand of slut-shaming; it is a common practice in Hackensack High School as well. The Fappening, an event that took place in April of 2014, was responsible for the illegal publication of private images stored on the iCloud accounts of famous celebrities. Jennifer Lawrence was one out of many females who received a substantial amount of media backlash for having her personal pictures made public -- incidents that happen too often on school ground.

Earlier this year, a friend of mine had intimate pictures of her leaked onto Twitter by a resentful ex-boyfriend. After sharing this harrowing experience with me and a few of our other friends, her first question was: "What do you think of me now?". Rather than worrying about the illegal actions perpetrated by her ex-boyfriend and the morality of the situation, she thought about what almost every female in her position would be thinking -- how she would be perceived for it, because that is what society has subconsciously embedded into our minds; to point the finger at the person preyed upon, instead of the actual assailant.

The effects of slut-shaming are more detrimental than just simple name-calling (although it is clear that being slandered publicly can be a painful experience, as the increase in rate of slut-shamed females proves). As soon as a woman is branded as a "slut" or a "whore", there is the possibility of her being at the receiving end of sexual contempt, which can lead to other heinous crimes, such as assault.

She may become an easy target for other forms of harassment and even rape, being that her peers deemed her as someone who is "easy" and "unable to say no". In 2013, a young girl who was raped at a party in Steubenville, Ohio, was denigrated by the public, given the "drunken slut" label as the people around scrambled to make sense of the severity of the crime. Slut-shaming has been given the unfortunate opportunity of shaping societal dissertation on rape, abuse, and harassment.

Perhaps you are a female reading this article and thinking "none of this applies to me"; a mindset I once had as well. The truth of the matter is that as long as you are female, the possibility of being subjected to discrimination simply because of your sex will always be admissible, until society is able to come to the proper consensus that it is wrong and those who partake in it should be condemned.

Everything begins with us -- the youth that is willing to listen and make some kind of change.

At one point or another, most of us have been guilty of thinking or referring to someone else as a slut. We understand that it is an offensive term, yet still use it anyway due to strong social conditioning. It is crucial that we make ourselves aware of the sexual double standard and refrain from identifying other human beings with a dehumanizing term.

Parents, be open about sexuality with your children. The more you educate your child about sex, the less likely they are to go out and search for the answers themselves.

Teachers, recognize that slut-shaming is a legitimate issue and properly reprimand those who offend others by engaging in it. People should be held accountable for their actions now, in order to ensure that their behavior does not go unwarranted later.

It is not enough to simply have only yourself abstain from that kind of language; we must correct, inform, and educate those around us as well whenever the terminology is used to ban it for good and make a difference. 

It is possible, and it starts with you.